INFJ Weirdo Part 2
First off, being open is not easy for any introvert. We like to keep to ourselves. So writing this at all makes me feel a little vulnerable. And second, many people joke that INFJs have multiple personalities. And while you might smile and think that’s funny, it’s actually not true. The truth is that the INFJ has more of a multifaceted personality, like looking through a diamond or kaleidoscope.
We have angles and layers that very few people will ever fully understand. And that’s kind of the thing with us, we long to be understood on those deeper levels, and yet we hide ourselves away from everyone at the same time. We don’t know why we are like this. But if you are patient and kind, you might earn enough trust from your INFJ friend for them to show you a bit more of themselves. Deep down, even though we seem a bit stand-offish, we actually love really people. (You… whoever you are, if you are reading this right now, I love you. I’m being serious. And some of you who know me in person might be thinking, “But, Brandi, you’re so quiet.” Well, some of that I will explain in the next paragraph. But also part of that comes from the fact that I actually have just a touch of social anxiety. I’m a little insecure. But believe me when I tell you, I really do like you.)
Along with having many layers and angles, INFJs are very good at being able to perceive the angles and layers in other people. We read the emotions of others like an open book. One way you might possibly an INFJ in casual conversation is to notice how intently they are watching you, noting your facial expressions, your body language, everything. We observe people and we enjoy listening way more than speaking most of the time. This is known as the “INFJ stare.” You can run a search on that topic in your favorite browser to find out more. But, in general, the more an INFJ knows about you, the more they care about you. They may just not show it at first. We really don’t like to be vulnerable until we trust someone.
There is a reason our type is often referred to as “The Counselor.” People seem to realize that we have an enormous capacity to love and care about them (sometimes even people we’ve just met). We often find ourselves listening to the troubled lives of others and offering words of encouragement or even simple validation. I can’t tell you how many times I have had an old friend message me or call me when we haven’t spoken in years and they just “need to talk” about something frustrating happening in their lives. But I also feel deeply honored that people trust me enough to share a bit of their darkness with me.
That being said, as true introverts, we can sometimes feel overwhelmed and overstimulated by the needs of others and may need to take short breaks to be alone from time to time. General stress and anxiety also make us want to withdraw from the world for a while to recharge our batteries. One downside to this is sometimes we don’t know how to come back. We can either go away physically or even just check out emotionally for too long. If you are maybe identifying with this a little and struggle a bit with coming back to real life when you’re stressed, I have a tip for you that has helped me. You see, I am a wife and mother of three. I can’t just go away and stay away. I can’t just check out emotionally and stay that way. My family needs me. So I have gotten in the habit of setting a timer for however long I think I might need to just take a breath and recharge. It might be 30 minutes, 45 minutes, maybe even a full hour. I try to use that time wisely. Sometimes just sitting in a dark room with no stimulation is what I need. Sometimes it's a good ole fashioned ugly cry. Sometimes it's a bit of dark chocolate I keep squirreled away for such occasions. Those few minutes are my time to recharge. And once that timer goes off, I go back to taking care of my family. And that is the best advice I can give you, especially if you have a family. Set a timer, get refreshed, and get back in the game.
All of this really just barely scratches the surface of what goes on in the mind of an INFJ. Add to that the fact no two people are ever exactly alike, even if they share a similar personality type. I really love the idea that people are all complex and different, and yet there are tools like these personality tests we can use to help better understand each other. I think it really speaks to what an amazing and creative God we have to have made so many kinds of people and they are all wonderful in their own unique ways.
I’d be more than happy to answer questions or to read about your own journey of self-discovery. Please drop some comments below and tell me about yourself.
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